Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
