Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
