if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
