At least make sure they are 18
Why
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
