i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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