i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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