Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
