two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
