it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
