Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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