I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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