That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
