Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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