Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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