I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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