i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
