i just made my gag reflex go away.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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