She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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