and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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