I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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