u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
