yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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