oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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