This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
where are you?
Hypothermia
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
