bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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