he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
