Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My penis needs a shock collar
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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