I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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