this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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