I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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