I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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