I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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