Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
