drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
