is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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