After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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