That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he thought i was a dude.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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