I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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