Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
