thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
