if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
