I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
