I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
