Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
