Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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