So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
