I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
