The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
