So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
