I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
