you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We are all done wearing pants today
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
