Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
