My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
